June 29, 2008

Late Father's Day Tribute

We were on vacation over Father's day, so I'm writing a late Father's Day tribute.

When I was in elementary school i didn't think my dad was the coolest. That's because one my my best friend's had a dad who was a professional arm wrestler. Come on! Then I read To Kill A Mockingbird, and I thought, wow, that's my dad. Boo Radely. Jk. No really it was wise, honorable, ethical, kind Atticus Finch.
My dad is my hero. He's what I want to be. He's the consummate people person. He cares and loves and feels so deeply, so quickly for people. Talk to him on a plane for a few minutes and he'll be fasting about your grandkid's wart insecurity for the next 3 years. He's wise but humble, educated but open minded, fun but deep, endlessly interested and endlessly interesting, and on and on. He is Senior Renaissance.

Mr. Gary Jewkes. Man, where do you start with this guy. Whenever I'm telling someone about him I always end up saying "You've just go to meet him to understand." The man is a force of nature. He's one of my top absolute favorite people in the world to be around. So smart, funny, engaging, and ALWAYS interesting. He raised 11 kids. I don't know anyone with more energy. My favorite thing is when he extends his energy to others by trying to get them to carry out his ingenious plans. Can't blame him, he produces way too many ideas for one person to execute. Imagine how much more Beethoven could have produced if he'd had 12 scribes and assistants. I always wanted to have a really cool father in law. I feel grateful I got one. Gar, thanks for being a great FIL and friend to me.

Tagged. FINALLY!

We're going to try to move on from and forget our last no comment post (dis on Noush).

When the Bishop called me on Tuesday to tell me I was tagged I was at my brother's house. We were there playing games with their family because we meant to get together on Saturday but couldn't because Jake, you know Jake knowles, was sick and was staying at their house. So that's why we were there Tuesday night which actually ended up working better because Bob had to work on Saturday because he's heading up a big project and his boss has a mouth like J. Golden. Anyway, when the Bishop called that's where i was and I was like "TELL HIM I'M NOT HERE!!" But that's just me being crazy and joking around, cause I'm like that. Anyway, I told him I would do it cause I just can't say no to a calling or assignment. So, since I'm the last speaker, it looks like we'll be getting out of here 15 minutes early. The Bishop just had a heart attack. Did you, Bishop? What? Oh, ya, no problem. Okay, well back to my talk then. Webster's dictionary defines Charity as the giving of ones means to one less fortunate. Actually that's not the definition i'm looking for, but the 13 definition says Charity is...

3 Joys:
1. Oliver
2. Hearing Reba laugh.
3. Summer

3 Fears:
1. Oliver dying or being unhealthily picked on or sad (I can almost bring myself to tears imagining him being picked on someday. Weird, I know).
2. Financial failure.
3. Sharks.

3 Goals:
1. find an angle to get in on the profits of Bren's future book of Orchard Poetry written by Greg and Ange.
2. Be better hubby/dad.
3. Financial independence by 40.

3 Obsessions:
1. Bit 0 Honey
2. Oliver
3. Righteousness

3 Surprises:
1. Contrary to popular conception, I'm actually very organized. No, not just cause of Reba, even in my business.
2. I always think of how nice it would be to move back to Utah until I visit there and drive along the freeway and am depressed by the Mormony billboards (cheesy mormon movies, books about prophets, 10,000 liposuction ads, etc) and the ugly, ugly view from the freeway (refineries, every MLM headquarters building in the world, train tracks, industrial equipment storage yards, etc). Who the heck is legislating on this stuff? Kick the bums out! But after while I forget and start dreaming again.
3. I can't stand my hands being sticky or dry. When I'm cooking something and getting my hands messy, I wash them every minute or so. Also, can't wear rainbow sandals anymore because the leather just feels so dry on my feet.

June 26, 2008

Don't miss it!

If you want to laugh until your eyeballs pop out and your sides ache, go here:


As a matter of fact, just add her to your faves. She posts gems like this just about every day.

June 25, 2008


My sis-in-law tagged me. So, enjoy! List 3 Joys, 3 Fears, 3 Goals, 3 Current Obsessions/Collections, and 3 Random surprises about yourself. Tag five people at the end of your post by leaving their names.

3 Joys:

1. Hanging out with family and friends.
2. When Oliver does something cute.
3. Whenever there's good chocolate chip cookies around.

3 Fears:

1. Something bad happening to Oliver or Christian.
2. Something bad happening to anyone else in my family.
3. Spiders, snakes, and heights.

3 Goals:

1. Overcome my addiction to sweets (i.e., ice cream and cookies).
2. Remember my family members' b-days and actually do something for them.
3. Be a better mother and wife.

3 current obsessions/collections:

1. Cleanliness- especially my kitchen.
2. Shoes (don't really have a collection, but I love them).
3. Playing on my 2 outdoor soccer teams.

3 Random Surprises:

1. I hate surprises- I'm kind of an open book.
2. I really love to read, though I like really cheesy, sappy books which is really weird for me b/c I don't like cheesy movies at all (ex: Twilight series).
3. I'm naturally an introvert, but lately I've been working on being more extroverted and I definitely think that life is more fun as an extrovert! (Which means, I guess, that I might actually be an extrovert and that Myers-Briggs test was lying.)

If you want to be tagged, consider yourself tagged...!

Grandpa H.'s Funeral

My Mom's Dad, Grandpa (Maurice) Heninger passed away on May 30th. As soon as we heard, we all made plans to be there for the funeral in Idaho Falls. My Mom supplied us all with frequent fliers and so all 11 of us were able to make it. It was so good to be together to say goodbye to this amazing, near-perfect man. It was the most touching funeral service I have ever attended and I am sure that there wasn't a person there that wasn't crying. The highlight for me was when my cousin, Melissa, played "Meditation" on the violin, accompanied by my sister, Jessica. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. Grandpa Heninger was such a sweet, loving, knowledgeable man who was truly loved by all who knew him. I had the privilege of living with him and my grandma for a couple summers while I was up at BYU and it will always be a cherished memory for me. One of my favorite memories was when I would play the piano in his front room, and at the end of any and every song, he would say to me, "Play it again, Sam." It made me never want to stop. He loved the hymns and would give me the background on almost every hymn after I played it. I will miss him so much but am so glad that he is now with his wife, daughter, and other loved ones.

Before the viewing in Idaho Falls.

At the burial, in Provo.

My Mom and Great Aunt Bernice.

Oliver saying "goodbye" to Grandpa.

The whole family, after the burial.

Eating lunch at Los Hermanos in Provo, after the burial. Oliver, getting some cousin lovin' in with Ella.

Yep, you guessed it. This is the piano that I used to play for Grandpa. It's now in our front room. What a blessing!

June 5, 2008

Random thoughts

If I was a beautiful, rich actor/musician/celeb I think I would have the self-awareness to admit that it would be nearly impossible for me to stay married forever, especially to another person like me. "You and I are just too self-centered, rich, beautiful, egotistical, and selfish to have any hope of lasting in a union that half the normal people in the world can't even make work."
Don't you have the same reaction when you read of the latest celeb wedding that you do when the short, fat, white kid in your primary class tells you he's going to play in the NBA someday? "Oh you naive soul, how are you so blind?" (Hypocrisy Disclaimer: I married my wife 4 days after meeting her)

I'm all those bad things enough as it is, but can't imagine how much worse i'd be if I were beautiful, rich, and most importantly, worshiped by everyone at every turn.

On the flip side, you've got to give major, major props to the .03% of celebs who stick it out. Must take amazing discipline and goodwill.


I think horses are about the weirdest, prettiest, gracefulest animals out there. The other night we went to an equestrian tournament to watch our friend's horse compete. That's the thing where horses jump over the hurdles. It was really cool. It was beautiful to watch these huge, magnificent beasts sail over 5 foot hurdles with perfect grace (surpassed in elegance, perhaps, only by the architecture of my dad's hands). Wish I was a horse. Here's a pic of us at the event (sorry we didn't think to take any of the event itself) with Jill, Rachel, and Eric.

Davis, you can skip the obvious joke about a horse being in the picture. That's me. And there's nothing I can do about having a long face except for face-widening surgery, which i've looked into and is very expensive.

Anyway, bottom line: horses are cool. Maybe instead of spending billions of dollars figuring out how to convert corn and grass into car fuel, and how to keep the spent emissions from ruining our planet, we should just go back to riding horses. They just eat the stuff and poop it out. No questions asked.

Too bad Piggy didn't know to control Big Jim.

I can't imagine anything more terrifying than being attacked by a large shark in deep water. But i've already promised myself if this ever happens to me, and I have nowhere to flee to and death is imminent, I'm going to gird me loins and face the thing. I'm going to gnash my teeth, curse angrily and swim toward the monster with every intention of destroying it as with the same ferocity it means to dish me. I won't go out scared and screaming. I'm going out swinging, eye gouging and gill ripping. I'll end up dead, but the wounded, toothy bas@#$% will wish he had chosen the seal. It's the thought of this future battle that gets me up in the mornings to work out, and that helps me treat my wife like every day with her is my last.
I hope I can keep my promise.

Oh, yeah, same deal if I'm ever taken by terrorists and they want me to make a contrite, weepy video.


I used to really, really like and admire Obama (the man, not the policy maker). Now he really annoys me. His actions and rhetoric are turning me more and more to the opinion that he's not much more honest or sincere than the rest of them (and I don't hate politicians as much as everyone else, so it's not the worst thing in the world, but Obama-or his followers-need to drop the illusion that he's the people's pure-hearted, altruistic tribune. He's a politician. He's an extraordinarily ambitious and egotistical person, like everyone else at that level. Period.) I hate that every relevant concern about him is off limits, because he says so. There's no legitimate qualm; only fear mongering, distractions, and politics as usual. Vomit. Or maybe it's his disciples that are starting to get on my nerves. Dude can do no wrong. Come on. I was highly enthused about Romney, but he could and did do wrong. Now, I'm for McCain. He does wrong. No one's perfect. Except Obama. I can only take the aura of holiness so long without starting to dry heave. Maybe I'm too cynical.


I hear the word "stalking" used in popular culture now with a softer meaning relating to curiosity, nagging, etc. ( e.g. "blog stalking" or "my mom is totally stalking me about the wedding date"), as opposed to the original meaning that lands the practitioner in jail. Yeah, well I just want everyone to know that I'm the one who invented and propagated that softer definition. True story. Created it 7 or 8 years ago to fill what I saw as a sad void in the English language to describe a certain behavior, and people looked at me like I was crazy. Could be a remarkable case of parallellism, where some other dude in Kansas City and a lady in Tokyo invented the same definition and it spread from them as well, but I doubt it. I feel like I should be making money off it somehow. Anyway, you can tell people you know the dude who invented it, and that a kid from little ol' Farmington Utah's word caught on much better than Paris's "that's hot."


As a history major graduate, let me tell you about the worst deal ever made in history. Circa 1993, JoLynn Bell agreed with a local farmer to have her tender, young boys haul 5,645 hay bails, weighing in at 235 lbs. apeice, from one location on his farm to the other (all the while the author and Davis had the misfortune of having to double up to lift one bail, while younger Helga and Olga, the farmers daughters could each handle one alone. Ryan, with his betard strength and advanced years, wasn't so humiliated) for an afternoon. The 96 degree temperature and the author's deathly hay fever didn't make the occasion any more comfortable. I still have deep gashes in my hands where the weight of the hay pulled the thin twine through the house servant flesh (My mom sent me without work gloves).

But in every deal you give something but get something good in return right? Here's what we got. In exchange for this slave labor, the farmer gave me dear mum a huge truckload of manure for her big garden. Guess who got to unload and spread the manure? Good joke, Mom.

June 1, 2008

My sunshine

I was feeling very down the other day. None of the usual compulsive diversions (junky eating, news/blog/email surfing, movies, etc) were sufficient to bring me up (that's always the case though, isn't it?). So finally I had the idea to take Ollie to the mall. We walked around Big 5 playing with all the different kinds of balls. Then we got to the escalators. He insisted on going up and down a few times. Then we ran across a station of those cars kids can sit in that shake. Cost 75 cents but it worked for a quarter for us somehow. Ollie is obsessed with cars these days. Calls them "dada" and won't stop talking about them. If he loses his little white range rover hotwheels car, you got problems. So, he liked the ride and just sat there for a while after the shaking was done. He cried when we finally left but we soon came across a big carousel. We rode that, which was cool, but nauseating. Then we played KB toys for a bit. After that we ran into a free play area that a bunch of other kids were playing in, so Ollie joined them. After that, we were late for dinner but were able to grab and split a junior cinnabon.

During our little outing, my mood went from 30 to 90 out of 100. Something about Oliver just makes me so deeply happy. I think God compensates for all the evil and dark in the world by flooding us with these joyful little ones. They are full of pure light, and nothing has more power to chase the dark away.