July 17, 2008

Take a Minute

I realized this week that it has been a long, long time since I had broken out the old mission scrapbook, so I whipped it out, remembering those 1 1/2 years in the Philippines. I must admit, I have both really good and bad memories of my mission. It was, without a doubt, the most difficult 2 years of my life, but it was also a time in my life when I felt the most purposeful, clear sense of priorities and joy. I was also really surprised while looking at my scrapbook how many of the difficult times I had forgotten (no running water, bucket showers, piles of dead cockroaches in our apartment, the unbearable humidity, and just the daily, grueling work). I was also brought back to a particular zone conference when somehow I was convinced to sing a solo part of a group number, in front of our whole zone. We sang, "Oh Lord, My Redeemer." Wow, what a flood of memories. Sometimes, I really ache to be back there- to feel that peace, determination, and burning desire to share the gospel.

The rainy season hit us hard. We walked in this stuff all day for months.

On another note, this has been a somewhat difficult week for me. As most of you know, Christian and I have been really wanting to have another child. We have been trying for nearly a year now, with no luck. I was really trying to gain some understanding into our situation a few days ago, really praying and reading the scriptures. I read a scripture that I love and I want to share it. It's in Mosiah 3:19. "For the natural man is an enemy to God...unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father." I know that one year isn't much in the scheme of things and I don't want to come off as totally dramatic and pitiful. I also know that there are far worse things that we could be going through and I'm grateful beyond words for the little boy that we do have, but I know the Lord is trying to teach me something here. It's taken me a year now to finally see a little bit of the light. I hope that I can be as this scripture says, "yielding, submissive, patient..."
I must say that the whole reason that I even got up the courage to write this really mushy, emotional post is that I was reading in this month's Ensign, a talk by Elder Ballard about sharing the gospel using the internet. I am fighting myself even as I write, but I just wanted to share these things. I know the Lord is mindful of us. I know He hears our prayers and will comfort us in times of pain, heartache, or difficulty.

17 comments:

Andrea W. said...

Rebecca, what a sweet sincere post. It was fun to hear about your mission and see that cute picture. I love that scripture you quoted. I just recently memorized it because it just totally sums everything up.

I also relate to what you're going through. I had a miscarraige after Anna and I was so devestated and then it took like 9 months after that to get pregnant again. It's hard to make sense of these situations when we feel like we're just trying to do what we're supposed to do. I admire your faith and am so glad you shared it with us. Thanks too for the reminder about what Elder Ballard said. We're so blessed and I should be testifying much more.

Aubrey, Josh, and Caden said...

You are so awesome, Rebecca! I can't tell you how much I relate to everything you said about the mish and just everything. I know how hard it is to wait, it took us a year and half to get pregnant with Caden. As much as it SUCKED while it was happening, now I can see Heavenly Father's hand in it. You are such a great mom, I can't imagine that He won't send you like, 12 more kids if you would take them!!! (c:

Braden and Meredith said...

Reba,

Please don't apologize for a post like this. It was a great look directly into your heart-felt feelings. For all of us who don't live near enough to you, that is a wonderful thing. I'd love to hear more about your mission.

Also, as far as the kids go, your comment is good reminder to me to be more grateful for what I have and less grumpy about lack of sleep and other fairly minor inconveniences. Thanks!

Eliza said...

Rebecca that was so great. And it was so not mushy, i think mushy is when someone is being insincere and over the top and you are the farthest thing from that. i love how genuine you are and i love hearing your thoughts about things. That was fun to hear about your mission, I don't think i would have been able to deal with all that stuff (cockroaches,bucket showers), let alone all the spiritual/emotional hardships and trials. Your an amazing woman! Secondly I am so sorry about not getting pregnant that is just so frustrating when were doing what were supposed to and things don't fall into place. Even though you know intellectually the Lord does whats best for us, its a hard concept to really apply into our day to day lives. I am so glad you have your faith to get you through this, you guys are great!

Amanda J said...

If there is one person out there that can handle a mission like that, it would be you!
Why does trying to get pregnant have to be so frustrating (for some of us), I always thought is would be a pleasant experience?!? It is hard to understand why it's not happening when it is such a righteous desire. Hang in there.

Dave Sedgwick said...

Enjoyed reading your entire blog tonight--I never get around to checking anyone's, but I'm glad I did! Don't know how you survived your mission, but I guess trials make us stronger and serving makes us love others.

I'm always amazed looking back at times in my life where I thought I knew what was best, but the Lord had a different plan. He knows what we need and it's usually evident after the fact (unfortunately not before). You guys are great parents, though. Ollie is a cutie!

Dave Sedgwick said...

that last comment is from Jessica--Dave and I use the same account

Shauna said...

thank goodness i didnt serve my mission in the phillipines, thats all i have to say.

and funny that you ask about Jane Green, i have 'the other women' sitting on my desk at home...do you recommend her? i havent read any of her stuff.

Macy said...

That is such a great pic of you Rebecca. I love it! I am so impressed by your mission. I always wished I would have served one, but then I hear stories like those and think that I wouldn't have been able to do it. It is amazing how experiences, spiritual experiences from our past can boost us up even now. I bet you are glad you have those to draw.

Jami said...

Rebecca-You are so sweet. I was definitely touched by your post. Thanks for sharing. :)

Lindsey said...

NOW I know why you are such a different person than that past Rebecca I knew (who I ALSO loved). That sounds like a tough mission. I still have a couple of letters that you wrote to me when you were on your mission. I just read them the other day when I was cleaning out my letter box. :)

Freddie said...

Thanks fot that post. I bet your mission was so hard, but so rewarding, like Hannah's in Uruguay.She froze in the winter time. ha ha.. poor kid. We miss our mission too and hope to leave agian soon for another one. Mollie gets home in Aug too. :) Sometimes I just get such a desire to be involved in the Lords work like that again, and can hardly stand it until we can go again. Also dont worry , the Lord will bless you with another baby soon im sure. One way or the other He has a plan for you. Your great people and He is aware of you. One of the things I learned on our mission to England was that no matter what, the Lord will do things in His time and in His way. That is because He Is the way. Take care.

Claire and Steve said...

Rebecca,

What a great mission picture, and I'm really sorry that you haven't been able to get pregnant again. I'm finding out that a lot of my friends and family members are having a really difficult time with this topic right now, and I never know what to say to them, because having children is a wonderful thing to do but it's just not happening for them right now. Thanks for your post.

Claire

The Allred Family said...

Thanks for that blog. I didn't realize you and Christian were trying to have another. I guess I am a noncummincative sister. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I read that article too and it inspired me to share as well. Love the dress. I remember that one with fondness! :) I wore it to 2000 GHS graduation with Adam grubbs. It thought I was hot stuff in that little get-up. right.

Greg said...

You are fiesty, humble, spiritual, aggressive, take-charge, submissive, obedient, challenging. Go figure why the Lord would deny a remarkable set of parents a baby. It doesn't make any earthly sense. Only He knows. I'm so glad you have Oliver. What a difference that makes. Wow!

Anyway, we love you to death and are so grateful for the lives you and Christian are living. God bless

Hannah and KC Stayner said...

this made me miss my mission! I totally relate when you say you ache to go back.

Jake and Emily Hutchings Family said...

i had momentary forgetfulness that you served a mission. man, those must be priceless experiences that you can always look back on!